Changing our Perceptions
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(continued from last post)
How many times, as females, did we hear, were shown or did we perceive that if something bad happened to us, it must have been our fault?
This is how abusers get away with abuse.
We grow up thinking that we need to make sure all around us are feeling ok and that if we aren’t…well, thats our fault and we should just choke it down.
Someone I’m close to was trying to make a decision regarding a relationship. Should she stay? Why was she not feeling herself and happy anymore?
We talked about her need to please and comfort everyone around her, but she never asked to be given the same consideration. After time of giving and never getting, we lose ourselves and we are drained.
We talked about how we ‘train’ others to behave by how we allow them to behave.
This all leads back to knowing what our emotions are saying to us and how to stay balanced.
I can look back on my childhood and see how I was led to believe that I wasn’t worth much…all I was ever told in regards to my life or future was that I had better “do God’s Will”.
Now, really, what is a child to make of that statement? How abstract can you get? The adults didn’t even understand or know Gods will, how was a child to know?
I took is as…”well, guess I just better be good and go into missionary work.” At no point was I allowed to talk about or was I encouraged to have dreams or goals or aspirations for my life.
I wasn’t allowed to laugh loud, or cry or yell or even show affection. Learning to hide my emotions was what I got good at.
I allowed others to manipulate me, feel good about themselves by making me feel bad about myself and to still believe that I wasn’t worth much. (And they did this in the name of doing God’s will)
So, fast forward to my point in regards to finding that peaceful place and in understanding our emotions.
As with my friend’s situation, her need to please attracted to her someone who was needy. My feelings of not being worthy and not knowing who I was, attracted and allowed family to put me down and keep me feeling bad.
Our thoughts about who we are and our perceptions about who we are is what allows the people and events to come into play in our lives.
So, it never really is about others or events at all….it is about how we perceive those events. And what we focus on and think about the most.
When I got this…I mean, really got what this meant, I was able to turn things around and the people in my life who enjoyed manipulating me are no longer in my life and no longer have any effect on me. I had to change my focus, what I was spending my time thinking about. And when I did….happy, interesting, supportive, life loving people entered my life.
That reduced a ton of stress. As a matter of fact, thats when I saw the restless leg syndrome and GERD clear up!
I wasn’t feeling horrible inside and I wasn’t choking back those emotions!
Dr. Christiane Northrup says in her book The Wisdom of Menopause, “Our state of health and happiness depends more upon our perception of life events around us than upon the events themselves”…… “It has now been scientifically documented that specific patterns of emotional vulnerability affect specific organs or systems of the body.”
So, in practicality, this means what? When things are falling apart around you and life sucks and it is real and painful - find something to focus on that makes you feel good! (and no I don’t mean addictive drinking or shopping!)
Practice the art of releasing the thoughts that ramble around in our heads that dwell on all the crud and replace them with stuff that makes you feel better. It might be something really small and insignificant…and it may be real hard to find at first…but keep doing it, train yourself to look for the good stuff and to allow yourself time to give to yourself and you will actually change your body’s biochemical make-up.
So, a question for you: What are the dominating thoughts you have about? How often do you look around and find the sweet, juicy wonderful stuff in your life?
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