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Posted by Ash on March 9th, 2008 in Mind-Body-Spirit

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 While it was my intention to contiue my post on universal love and sensuality, all that transpired this week with my relative got me to thinking about a lot of things. Then, this morning, I picked up a book (The Age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife) by Marianne Williamson I had started reading weeks ago but didn’t finish. The page I opened to read:

“Whether your childhood was good or not so good, it lives in your cells. It laid down tracks of thought, and thus behavior, that have run your life for decades. If you were appreciated, you’ve attracted people who appreciate you. If you were unappreciated, you’ve attracted people who don’t appreciate you. You’ve subconsciously been drawn to individuals and situations that mirror pretty perfectly the drama of your childhood.”

Gee, that about sums up the events of the past week!

While my childhood situation was not identical to hers, we did have a lot in common. We both have a controlling narcissistic parent and a parent with severe health issues, who couldn’t fully be there for us.
Her extrovert personality caused her to act out and go the rebellious route to try and find that void we as wounded children try to fill…we will spend our lives seeking that love and support we never got from our parents. Mine went the other direction - severe depression.

While I have worked hard to overcome and heal from mine, I think she is just now really seeing the issues that she needs to heal.
Until we address and deal with the drama of our childhood, it will fester and grow. We will re-enact those dramas over and over. As with my relative, she continually attracted into her life very abusive men who would use her and very chaotic situations that would land her in dire straights.

But, the key that allowed me to find my way home to who I really was…and what I hope she can see soon is this - tho we are products of our family of origin, who really sourced us? Our parents didn’t create us…who we really are is a spark of the True Source…some call God, Supreme Being or Universal Love. That is what our true origin is -Source.
While some folks aren’t great parents and are never able to give - because they just can’t give what they don’t have - as a wounded child, we can receive what we can’t get from our parents from that which is who we truly are - a divine being connected to Source.
Sometimes we create such severe dramas that we are forced to finally take those steps to release the psychological grip of our childhood wounds and embrace the pure positive love that Source supplies.
This is what the journey to our authentic self is all about. Realizing who we really are…at the core. And that while we can’t always get what we need from family, spouses or community, we always have available to us that divine energy of Source. When I asked for help from Source, one thing after another dropped into my lap as far as support, answers and conformation of the real love that was there for me. Thats not to say it was easy…we are so programmed in our behavior patterns and ways of thinking, that we take two steps forward and three back frequently!
And, I think that age helps. What we try to do and the pace and expectations of our youth typically keeps us from seeing the big picture that the gear switching in midlife helps us to see.

The last time I talked to my relative, she was clearer on what areas she needed to deal with and that she was tired of the pace and fight that most of her life had been about. Issues with an abusive or destructive parent are never easy to deal with and finally release, but it is possible. I have heard great things about a therapy called EMDR and I know, for me, learning to utilize the Law of Attraction was huge in my healing. There are many routes, and just as we are all different personalities, there are many resources to fit us. As well, what I learned because of what I experienced allowed me to stop some of the family cycles and patterns and to step into new ways of parenting and living. It’s called evolution - growing beyond what has already been.
As Marianne said...”In youth, we encounter our psychic dragons; by midlife (if they are still around), it’s time to slay them. It’s the time for major commitment to heal whatever childhood wounds remain. There can be no spiritual victory without this.”

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